I'm a loser baby

oh man everything's a mess. i just don't see a purpose in my life or something i really can look forward to. i got a letter of refusal for the job in england today. i don't know if i would have gone there, but still - it would have been nice to have the possibility for it. my f****** bf dumped me. i think about him the whole time and miss him and hate him at the same time. i guess just nobody wants me... my original circle of friends here has disintegrated. i realize that i'm just not good in making new friends and being open and genial. jaaa, this is my life! tonight i'm gonna go out with our new flatmate, and then gonna see my ex flatmate again. saturday and sunday i'm playing at a tournament, where we also gonna party and spend the night. so i try to do a lot of things; sometimes it works and i'm distracted, sometimes it does not at all.

Dry your eyes mate...

since last night i'm single again after almost two years. i feel like shit and i'm crying the whole time. nothing can comfort me now. and i already miss everything...

Life amazes us despite our miserable future

it's been a perfect week so far with the weather... warm and sunny every day. i've spent a lot of time outside, most of it with playing beach volleyball. my bf doesn't know what he wants. we talked about a "break" on tuesday, whatever that means (rather a break-up i guess). he knows that he hasn't given me what i need. we spent the rest of the day together. we did everything together in the last few days. i can't eat much and i feel empty but then i also take and enjoy. i don't understand men. i know what i want, but i'm not able to realize it and i don't know what i should do. i'm still waiting for an answer. i wanna know what this is all about...
all that doesn't make any sense? absolutely! i'm as confused as you probably are.

*i learned the truth at seventeen that love was meant for beauty queens...*

i just came back from a trip to cologne with a friend. the idea was to go somewhere not too far away, so that we would only spend little money (this did not quite work..)