oh man, it's been almost a year. 10 months since i posted the last time. and now i have the desire to summarize shortly what has happened. i've had a really good time, but as always there's no happy end, at least regarding relationships with men (well, and regarding other issues, to be honest).
three months ago my ex broke up with me because he apparently did not see a future for us and it occurs to him that his feelings were not strong enough. three days ago i met him again, plus a woman who is obviously his new girlfriend. aargh. i imagine that he probably had not just met her recently. whatever, i don't know this, but it sucks anyway.
it all started with an affair a year ago and then got more serious and in the end it evolved into a relationship.
i have to mention who he is: my former room mate, with whom i lived together for 1 and a half year. i never never had thought before that the two of us could possibly start going out or anything like that, but then it happened when his long-term relationship was going to pieces. looking back: an ominous start. but somehow it felt very good and it felt better than ever before as we became not only lovers but companions.
i had a good time anyway. we started going swimming at least once a week together. i went out to party a lot, either with him or with friends or both. and i got in touch with all the crazy guys from my past again (i love you!).
in april i moved to another part of the city. moving turned out to be a long, stressful and painful (and i mean that in a literal sense) process. will not go into detail here. now i'm glad to live here at my new place, although there are so many memorable experiences linked to my old apartment. it was time. the new apartment is smaller but nicer, and i share it, as before, with two other people.
when the whole moving thing was over, i was still in pain and then finally prognosed with another slipped disc (bandscheibenvorfall). at that time i had already been in love for a while. i wanted more, he did not. that's life. now i hate him. i wish i could turn back time, so that he would remain my ex room mate, not my ex boyfriend.
right now i still struggle with pain in my back and left leg, although i've been through cortison infusions, physical therapy and acupuncture. now i slowly start playing volleyball again and also try to go swimming regularly.
since last summer, i've been working in a pub once a week, with quite demanding, partly heavy-drinking and predominantly male clients, who are all nice but sometimes just drive me crazy.
i'm still studying. i plan to graduate next spring, but have no idea if i can make it up until this time.
reading over this post, i notice that it sounds pretty depressing. hmmmm.
Sunday, July 19, 2009
Saturday, September 20, 2008
Bella Italia
Wednesday, August 20, 2008
Botswana, Tanzania
......this is an inside joke... nevermind...
my room mates are both at their parent's and i have the place for myself. i felt that i must post here again and at first i was going to write everything that happened in the last months, but then it's just too much. so only some extracts...
i've been having a liaison since about 2 months, and then with somebody i already know pretty well and never thought something like this could happen... what can i say.. life affords so many surprises... i don't know where this will go.
since i have semester break, i can go out a lot and i do so. at the weekend i was out till 4 in the morning, and monday was a crazy night too. i met with my good friend s. at the place where she works, ate and drank, later a friend of her joined us. we continued at a little pub where we often end up, and which is the best place to meet all kinds of crazy people. when they closed we headed for a club that is open till 4 o'clock in the morning. meanwhile we had made friends with a guy who could convince us to help him with a loft bed he wanted to install in his hall right above the apartment door. joni, a taxi driver came with us too and so the 5 of us, all except for joni totally drunk, lifted a 100 kilo wooden board up to the intended beams until it got jammed between the walls, so it could, despite all effort, not be moved anymore. nobody died or got seriously injured, which was a pretty good outcome. in the in end my friends and i hung out at the apartment all night drinking wine and smoking, and it was at eight in the morning when we all got coffee before going home and our new friend went to work, still totally fucked up without having showered or brushed his teeth. botswana, tanzania.
apart from that, i'm bored and therefore watch sports on TV all the time. the fact that i'm bored is kind of silly because i actually have to write term papers. but i just can't motivate myself.
rehab is over, and i can move as i could before. i have already played beach volleyball 3 times recently and i go swimming once a week. nevertheless i started smoking again, and smoke quite a lot.
so in the end, there's nothing really new.
my room mates are both at their parent's and i have the place for myself. i felt that i must post here again and at first i was going to write everything that happened in the last months, but then it's just too much. so only some extracts...
i've been having a liaison since about 2 months, and then with somebody i already know pretty well and never thought something like this could happen... what can i say.. life affords so many surprises... i don't know where this will go.
since i have semester break, i can go out a lot and i do so. at the weekend i was out till 4 in the morning, and monday was a crazy night too. i met with my good friend s. at the place where she works, ate and drank, later a friend of her joined us. we continued at a little pub where we often end up, and which is the best place to meet all kinds of crazy people. when they closed we headed for a club that is open till 4 o'clock in the morning. meanwhile we had made friends with a guy who could convince us to help him with a loft bed he wanted to install in his hall right above the apartment door. joni, a taxi driver came with us too and so the 5 of us, all except for joni totally drunk, lifted a 100 kilo wooden board up to the intended beams until it got jammed between the walls, so it could, despite all effort, not be moved anymore. nobody died or got seriously injured, which was a pretty good outcome. in the in end my friends and i hung out at the apartment all night drinking wine and smoking, and it was at eight in the morning when we all got coffee before going home and our new friend went to work, still totally fucked up without having showered or brushed his teeth. botswana, tanzania.
apart from that, i'm bored and therefore watch sports on TV all the time. the fact that i'm bored is kind of silly because i actually have to write term papers. but i just can't motivate myself.
rehab is over, and i can move as i could before. i have already played beach volleyball 3 times recently and i go swimming once a week. nevertheless i started smoking again, and smoke quite a lot.
so in the end, there's nothing really new.
Wednesday, July 16, 2008
Autobiography in five chapters
I
I walk down the street
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk
I fall in
I am lost ... I am hopeless
It isn't my fault
It takes me forever to find a way out
II
I walk down the same street
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk
I pretend I don't see it
I fall in again
I can't believe I'm in the same place
But it isn't my fault
It still takes a long time to get out
III
I walk down the same street
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk
I see it is there
I still fall in ... it's a habit
My eyes are open
I know where I am
It is my fault
I get out immediately
IV
I walk down the same street
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk
I walk around it
V
I walk down another street
i think i'm on chapter 3 now...
Monday, June 23, 2008
Freedom's just another word for nothing left to lose
it's european championship time! i watch nearly all the games and when germany plays we are always somewhere out to party afterward. and every time i go out i get totally smashed... and meet lots of people, men ;-), old friends (have loose contact with my former room mate again) and have so much fun just doing what the hell i want. life should always be like this. i've had a really good year so far... can't wait till next wednesday when germany plays the half final against turkey.
plus: this weekend, our first and second volleyball team takes part in the outdoor tournament in bavaria with camping etc. the same event we went to last year. i'm gonna go with them, although i can't play. the only thing i'm still waiting for is that i completely 'get back' my left leg, so that i can play volleyball again. i still go to rehab, which has become kind of an annoying chore in my life.
plus: this weekend, our first and second volleyball team takes part in the outdoor tournament in bavaria with camping etc. the same event we went to last year. i'm gonna go with them, although i can't play. the only thing i'm still waiting for is that i completely 'get back' my left leg, so that i can play volleyball again. i still go to rehab, which has become kind of an annoying chore in my life.
Tuesday, May 06, 2008
Nerve-wracking
oohhh great: last week i was operated at my back because of a herniated vertebral disk (bandscheibenvorfall).
at the volleyball tournament on saturday 26th i was already in pain, but still i wanted to play and it worked somehow, although i couldn't move properly. then, on sunday, i met some friends at the beach field to lie in the sun, study and relax a little. i had the glorious idea to skate there; at least it was quite plain to me that i could not play beach volleyball in this condition.
when we decided to go home, i barely could move or walk. my back and my left leg hurt so much that i cried on the way to the parking lot. a dear friend had got her car, and drove with me to the hospital. the first one couldn't help us and we had to go to another one, which meant 15 more minutes to drive.
although i wasn't able to move or sit or walk, these idiots tried to do a little stretching with my leg, which of course didn't help, so they gave me a shot in my back and sent me home again. they also gave me a prescription for pain relievers, and since this night i've been 'on drugs' constantly (a new experience for me, because i never take any tablets or something because i never get ill).
when we were home (meanwhile three hours had passed), my back was better because of the injection but my leg still hurt - same thing the next day. well, fortunately i called a good private clinic here and got an appointment for the following morning. so then the next journey started. checked by the one doctor, infusions against the pain (which made me almost pass out), sent to the next doctor somewhere else for MRI and finally diagnosed with a herniated vertebral disk (plus a piece of spinal disk that had detached itself and compressed my nerve), back to the clinic and sent to a doctor who strongly recommended me an operation.
he offered me an appointment for the next day, and so i packed my things and went. the operation apparently went well, the first 2, 3 days after the anesthesia were not much fun. one night the pain in my leg came back, and i thought i was going to die. i was actually screaming and whining until they gave me some morphine, and then i didn't feel anything anymore.
after five and a half days in hospital, i went home again yesterday, the piece of spinal disk in my bag.
it's so annoying.. no sports for the next six weeks except swimming... my left leg's nerve is still weak and i have to go to physiotherapy and rehab. otherwise i feel good, just a little tired and slow from the medication. weather is beautiful...
at the volleyball tournament on saturday 26th i was already in pain, but still i wanted to play and it worked somehow, although i couldn't move properly. then, on sunday, i met some friends at the beach field to lie in the sun, study and relax a little. i had the glorious idea to skate there; at least it was quite plain to me that i could not play beach volleyball in this condition.
when we decided to go home, i barely could move or walk. my back and my left leg hurt so much that i cried on the way to the parking lot. a dear friend had got her car, and drove with me to the hospital. the first one couldn't help us and we had to go to another one, which meant 15 more minutes to drive.
although i wasn't able to move or sit or walk, these idiots tried to do a little stretching with my leg, which of course didn't help, so they gave me a shot in my back and sent me home again. they also gave me a prescription for pain relievers, and since this night i've been 'on drugs' constantly (a new experience for me, because i never take any tablets or something because i never get ill).
when we were home (meanwhile three hours had passed), my back was better because of the injection but my leg still hurt - same thing the next day. well, fortunately i called a good private clinic here and got an appointment for the following morning. so then the next journey started. checked by the one doctor, infusions against the pain (which made me almost pass out), sent to the next doctor somewhere else for MRI and finally diagnosed with a herniated vertebral disk (plus a piece of spinal disk that had detached itself and compressed my nerve), back to the clinic and sent to a doctor who strongly recommended me an operation.
he offered me an appointment for the next day, and so i packed my things and went. the operation apparently went well, the first 2, 3 days after the anesthesia were not much fun. one night the pain in my leg came back, and i thought i was going to die. i was actually screaming and whining until they gave me some morphine, and then i didn't feel anything anymore.
after five and a half days in hospital, i went home again yesterday, the piece of spinal disk in my bag.
it's so annoying.. no sports for the next six weeks except swimming... my left leg's nerve is still weak and i have to go to physiotherapy and rehab. otherwise i feel good, just a little tired and slow from the medication. weather is beautiful...
Tuesday, April 01, 2008
Long time...
... no see.
it's such perfect weather today. my last day in school lies behind me, and before i went home by train i bought a book in MA and then strolled through the city, a coffee to go in my hand, enjoying the sun and warmth.
in short: some important things (since it would be too much to write down everything that has happened the recent weeks):
- the second part of my school internship, which started in february, is now over.
- seminars start next week. sucks.
- new room mate since mid of february. old one is in new zealand.
- i quit smoking about 3 weeks ago. almost quit. i'm down to a maximum of one cigarette a day. if at all. some days i don't smoke at all. boys and girls, this is no april fool's joke. i haven't bought cigarettes since weeks. the funny thing is i didn't plan to quit. it has just happened somehow.
- band weekend was at the end of february. it was lots of fun and then ended with a big argument.
- i have just been to DD for a few days to visit my sister and dad.
- i wrote one of my term papers and i canceled one, which means that i have to repeat this class.
- no boyfriend in my life, which is great!
- oh and i'm 27 now. i liked the 26, i don't like the 27. it's getting so close to 30...
it's such perfect weather today. my last day in school lies behind me, and before i went home by train i bought a book in MA and then strolled through the city, a coffee to go in my hand, enjoying the sun and warmth.
in short: some important things (since it would be too much to write down everything that has happened the recent weeks):
- the second part of my school internship, which started in february, is now over.
- seminars start next week. sucks.
- new room mate since mid of february. old one is in new zealand.
- i quit smoking about 3 weeks ago. almost quit. i'm down to a maximum of one cigarette a day. if at all. some days i don't smoke at all. boys and girls, this is no april fool's joke. i haven't bought cigarettes since weeks. the funny thing is i didn't plan to quit. it has just happened somehow.
- band weekend was at the end of february. it was lots of fun and then ended with a big argument.
- i have just been to DD for a few days to visit my sister and dad.
- i wrote one of my term papers and i canceled one, which means that i have to repeat this class.
- no boyfriend in my life, which is great!
- oh and i'm 27 now. i liked the 26, i don't like the 27. it's getting so close to 30...
Saturday, February 02, 2008
Helau
the gig last night - before writing a three hour exam this morning, which i definitely failed:
Sunday, January 27, 2008
Girls just wanna have fun
amazing friday night!
friends, lots of alcohol, singing, bar hopping, dancing, kissing, making out, the first tram in the morning back home, and the obligatory hangover linked to returning embarrassing memories (what the hell did you do??) - it was all-in. crazy. how old am i again? ;-)
i've been doing good recently. uni is stressful, but somehow all this goes by.
on friday we have a two hour gig with the band at a party. we'll now have a gig every month until summer. cooool.
i'm tired.
friends, lots of alcohol, singing, bar hopping, dancing, kissing, making out, the first tram in the morning back home, and the obligatory hangover linked to returning embarrassing memories (what the hell did you do??) - it was all-in. crazy. how old am i again? ;-)
i've been doing good recently. uni is stressful, but somehow all this goes by.
on friday we have a two hour gig with the band at a party. we'll now have a gig every month until summer. cooool.
i'm tired.
Monday, January 21, 2008
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