Time out

yesterday i somehow survived christmas eve with the family and went out afterwards. today i've been just hanging out here, relaxing, reading, taking a bath and stuff like that. before i had gone home to my dad's place, i met my bf once more. it actually turned out to be a good time and we both exerted ourselves. we came closer again and managed to be nice and to talk to each other. he spontanously had booked a flight to spain though, to stay there for some days. i'll see how everything's gonna go next year; he's a person i often don't know how to handle. i think the difficulty is to keep up things and that's why i don't wanna be too enthusiastic.
ps. no snow yet this winter
pps. i think i've got a seasonal affective disorder

Tried and failed II ?

i briefly talked to an aquaintance lately and she said, what's going on right now? what's wrong with this time of the year? everybody around is in a strange mood, couples break up, and actually that's what i notice too, only today i met another friend with a stranded longterm-relationship. and now even i am in this situation. There were some problems with my bf in the last one or two months and after last night and a disturbing conversation it doesn't look good actually. all i can say right now is that i don't wanna break up, but as ALWAYS i guess i can't fuckin' do anything about it

Tried and failed

yesterday our new flatmate had news for the other two of us: she will move out again as soon as she finds a nice place. after some arguments, mainly with my other flatmate, this is now the consequence.
she needs to have it clean all the time and she thinks we're too different in that point and in general and we just don't really match, plus the rent is too high and the apartment not really what she wants. she made two and a half month here so far.
i dread the whole looking-for-a-new-flatmate-procedure already. we need a man again this time, but who knows what kind of freaks will show up - if anybody shows up at all. you never know how it'll turn out with somebody, you never can tell by the first time you meet him or her. and probably my (older) flatmate and i are just unsocial persons, slobby, lazy and difficult, yet in a different way. i mean we ourselves have never become something like close friends; there are too many things that annoy me about her. but at least we manage somehow to live together.
(ok, and the 'unsocial' might only apply to me)

Ojos que no ven, corazón que no siente

i just had a pizza and salad, i'm stuffed and lazy on my bed and i feel like garfield. i've skipped a lot of my classes lately and my whole studies are passing by right now without really touching me much, neither mentally nor emotionally. i barely meet the old people i used to meet there. i continue attending a spanish course, which is pretty fun although it's getting difficult... then, there's christmas, which already makes me sick, and i can't think of some nice gifts, and for my bf's birthday i decided it should do some flowers and a self-baked cake (if i can ever manage that) maybe or some rum.
a couple weeks ago, i sent off the application for eight months working in england. there's still an interview to come next year. part of me hopes to get an employment, of course, but part of me kind of hopes not to get the job. hmmm this is sick... i'm not totally positive about doing it; england and the people and my accommodation and being gone for so long and what i miss in my studies... sound like a chicken. but serious, don't know if this job is worth it. still think about the USA for a few months during my holidays. whatever....

Pics/Part fourteen

Band revival, old friends and this weird place I used to call home

nothing more to say right now... i'm home for the weekend again. where are you, papa?

Goddammit

i had an annoying day.... i'm sore from our volleyball games on sunday... early in the morning the construction workers below me woke me up... in the afternoon, i put two baguettes in the oven and took them to my room to eat in front of my laptop, where i spend too much of my free time at the moment. well, i managed to drop one of the baguettes, which then fell right on the keyboard of my laptop, the covering (mushrooms and creme sauce) first of course. because of this little accident i was late for my class plus i realized after a while that i had forgotten my wallet when i had left. after coming home again, i spent at least an hour taking off a bunch of single keys of my laptop and trying to clean them and the board underneath.
what do we learn from that? don't build up your life around your computer (...which -in my case- smells like champignon baguette now - my favorite!)

Both sides now

moons and junes and ferris wheels
the dizzy dancing way that you feel
as ev'ry fairy tale comes real
i've looked at love that way

but now it's just another show
you leave 'em laughing when you go
and if you care, don't let them know
don't give yourself away

i've looked at love from both sides now
from give and take, and still somehow
it's love's illusions that i recall
i really don't know love at all

tears and fears and feeling proud
to say 'i love you' right out loud
dreams and schemes and circus crowds
i've looked at life that way

but now old friends are acting strange
they shake their heads, they say i've changed
well something's lost, but something's gained
in living ev'ry day
...

(joni mitchell)

Kopfsalat

classes started again today... not mine though, since i have mondays and fridays off as far as i can tell by now. besides all the little things i have to think of and prepare for my classes, i've got some more important issues on my mind, too. a job, for example, and the big band i was asked to play in, and going abroad for working or studying next year (where? what? how long? why?). the applications and interviews for that means a lot of work, organization and running around. for me that's a lot to think about and the truth is that these things always become problems for me instead of challenges (as it should be). i could have taken care of some of this stuff in my holidays... yes... and i could do with a efficient plan now. a car would be nice, too.

Oh shit he's gone...

my flatmate just left.. his first night at his new place in his new bed. i feel empty and left alone. i talked with him for a while in the kitchen and it reminded me of the beginning when i moved in here with the two guys and that we were a pretty good team...
he'll be back tomorrow to paint the room here, ya, and he'll probably be back to get some stuff that's left, i know, and i'm gonna see him sometime again, but... he'll be gone and with him his friends, who have become my friends, too, to a certain degree. it's stupid, i know, i can't help it...

Wisdoms

every once in a while you discover some wordly wisdoms or just some simple rules for yourself. that's what i found out recently.
1. when you have to do stuff, you should think about if you need something and what you need to do this stuff before just doing it
2. worrying about things in the future which aren't an issue yet is a totally stupid thing to do
3. most things in life are totally dependent on your own mind. good or bad or anything between doesn't happen outside; it's all in your head! (this is actually something i've found out long ago and find out again and again)
4. somebody said to me lately that you have a connection with the people you've had sex with for your whole life. that's true, i guess
5. rain sucks

The end of a chapter

hmm i found out that i still can party... i went out yesterday and it turned out to be a long and fun night. drank and danced a lot.
our american guest, the wandering philosopher and professional vagabond, will leave us tomorrow after staying here in our apartment for more than two weeks. i think we have become something like friends and it's good to know that i'd have a place to stay in the usa if i needed one.
there's another thing that's gonna change here soon: one of my flatmates, who has lived in this apartment for about 4 years or more, is moving out this weekend, and next week the new one will be here. and, surprise... it's a girl! I'm still a bit sceptic if this is going to work well with us. i'll see... i'll be through everything then: living alone, with two men, with a man and a woman, and with women only.

Pics/Part thirteen

What I did on September 11th 2001

in the morning of september the 11th, five years ago, i'm sitting with my friend in a big american car, driving with my host e. to new york city where e. has to go to work and where we girls going to get dropped off at the apartment at 55th street.
a few days earlier, e. had taken us to an outdoor wedding in vermont, where we had also spent the night. the next day we had been back in new jersey at e.'s place to stay there for another night. early in the morning she had waken us up to take us to new york again.
and now we're on our way to go back and i'm very tired because i'm not used to getting up so early. it takes us about 45 minutes-1 hour to drive from new jersey to ny city. we're on the highway, the sun just rose, the sky is clear and blue. new york looms in the distance and we take some shots from the skyline out of the window of the car. it must be about 7 o'clock, 8 o'clock at the latest.
some time later my friend and i are back in our apartment in manhattan, three blocks below the central park, and have decided to go downtown to see the world trade center, some tourists stuff. it's not a real plan yet, just an idea. before we go, i want to lay down for a while; my friend takes a shower in the old bathroom, which you can only enter after going through the bedroom that i use. then the phone rings, and i go answer it. it's my friend's mom, who wants to talk to her daughter and sounds a bit worried. she tells us to turn on the tv; apparently a plane accident had happend in ny city. so we turn on the tv and see one of the twin towers burning, the plane had just hit the building. we both don't think of anything else than this being an accident. until my friend calls from over there in front of the tv (i'm in the bathroom now). the second plane hits the second building. i can't believe it. i'm shocked and fascinated at the same time.
the only person who can call us on this day is e., who advises us not to leave the house (we do that though later and walk down to the times square, where people, shocked, watch the big tv screen). talking to our families in europe is impossible for a long time since the telephone network is totally broken down.
the next days in new york city are about savity and cops, missing search, heroes, patriotism, smoke in the air, the citizens of new york city, revenge.
right now it seems unreal to me that i was there when it happened but obviously i was, and that was what i did on september 11th.

Gu guitar guita

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guitarguitarguit
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Leap in time

i've found an old friend again that i had in my childhood, and his siblings. the last time i saw him was when we were about twelve. i've got his cell phone number and maybe i'm gonna see him soon. i remember the bike tours our families used to make every summer and the ski vacations in winter and how we spent days at their place. i can say, without being pathetic, that these times were some of the best in my life (childhood generally is the best time in life!). i wonder, if we would meet again, if there was anything we would see in each other that reminds us of ourselves being kids. when i think about how we look now and back then i kinda think it's too bad that we've grown up now and how cool it would be if we were still kids... without commitments of any kind, boyfriends and girlfriends, jobs, hobbies, money, thinking about the meaning of life - just playing with each other...

Advanced stage

i feel good. i'm in love and i think this little break was a pretty good thing. it's all more fun and more serious right now. as for me, i can say that i'm much more easy-going and relaxed than before, which effects everything else and makes everything better. we've also reached the level on that we do things in the presence of the other that are 'taboos' when you don't know each other yet very well (this isn't quite something you would get totally thrilled about, but it's certainly unavoidable).

Pics/Part twelve

Chocolate, gin and cigarettes

isn't it nice to see an old friend again?

Keep supplies coming!

i gotta write about the dwarf hamsters again. only one of the babies is left and it was the dad who ate all the kids. a few days ago we had the glorious idea to finally separate them and put the female together with the last survivor in a different cage.
the little one shouldn't be an only child for long... last night the female hamster had a bunch of new babies. a never-ending story.

Back home

my bf is back here! it's strange - it's almost like he'd never been away. there's someone you hadn't seen for almost two months and after this time you kind of expect a different, or rather a changed person, i don't know why, and then there he is and eyerything about him and his manner is the same as before and you suddenly notice and recognize all these familiar things you hadn't been thinking of anymore. i'm tired... i had to get up at five thirty to drive to the airport this morning. i'm hungry, too. let's see what the night has to offer. oh and cheers to a., welcome home! (ps. it's cooold and raiiiny)

Pics/Part eleven

The evolution of the earth

".... keinerlei geräusch, nur die schwingen des riesigen vogels waren zu spüren, kaum als geräusch, mehr als zustand. die erde war unbewohnt. außer diesem vogel. er hatte eine spannweite von circa sechs metern. oder mehr. es gab keine vorgaben. keine gesetze, nur das der sonne, die untergehen wollte, aber kein ende fand. sie war überall. die erde war gerade erst zweitausend jahre alt. der riesenvogel hatte sich verirrt, er kam vom planeten pluto und war nicht mehr zu retten, denn ihm fehlte der auf pluto sehr reichhaltige stickstoff auf der erde. er flog noch ein paar runden und stürzte dann ins meer. seine leiche trieb monatelang im wasser. durch die im meer ständig existente photophorese und durch die dazugehörige sonneneinstrahlung, und damals war die sonne noch jung und heftig, entstanden aus dem kadaver des vogels zuerst milbenähnliche horntiere und später aus diesen schwimmfähige, mikroskopisch kleine kraken mit zwei armen. die enden ihrer körper verdickten sich an zwei stellen, und nach jahrtausenden wuchsen aus diesen enden kleine beinchen. füße gab es noch nicht. dann begannen diese tierchen an land zu gehen, weil sie nicht nur im wasser leben konnten, denn die erde drehte sich sehr schnell, und das wasser der meere, das ja bekanntlich vormals ein einziges meer war, war ohne strände und stellenweise so verebbt, so dass land in sicht kam... und diese tierchen waren einfach neugierig, dieses land zu untersuchen. es begann die wanderung der siten. parasiten sind nicht mit ihnen verwandt, obwohl man es meinen wollte ...." (helge)

Pics/Part ten

Pics/Part nine

Remains

the remains are:
- tiredness
- waiting for my course credits
- an account in the red
- three of the five baby dwarf hamsters (the parents were hungry for murder and meat -- yummy...)
- decisions, decisions

and now..... holidays!

Surprise, surprise

my boyfriend had forced me to take care of two dwarf hamsters while he's gone, and these small animals had five (or six?) very tiny baby hamsters last night. so we have a big hamster family now. actually the parents themselves are either brother and sister or mother and son or father and daughter, although everyone was sure that they were two female hamsters when they were put together-- yeah, right... anyway, my theory is that these animals don't need to have a certain sex to breed or that they just transform somehow. why? because it doesn't matter which hamsters you put together in one cage; they ALWAYS get babies! they would probably even get babies when they are alone in the cage. in case of a hamster offspring, my flatemate's plan was to put the babies in the freezer and use them as food for his pet, a snake. i don't know. i have to tell my boyfriend first (although he'd probably agree with the plan). as a start, i'll wait for the weakest one of the babies to be eaten (ya, this also happens a lot)

Pics/Part eight

Bye-bye Toshi, hello Toshi

germany is a big permanent sauna at the moment and who the fuck cares that i have to write my exams within the last and following few days?? so far, three of them are over (plus the mid-term exam); the last one (spanish) will be next week.
i called the mm today because i wanted to find out where my laptop was and why it takes so long to fix it. i haven't seen my own laptop for almost five weeks now, and i was angry on the phone but then she said that my laptop was there and ready to get picked up. apparently it's been fixed since a week or so. although i was glad to hear that, i couldn't believe they didn't manage to let me know, which they were supposed to do. she said they had sent me a message but, well, obviously it didn't work... i'm gonna pick it up tomorrow, so this is my last night to sit here in my flatmate's room at his laptop...how sad!!

Que queda

thanks to my gay spanish teacher, i have this stupid spanish song on my mind...
....sólo quedan las ganas de llorar
al vez que nuestro amor se aleja.
frente a frente, bajamos la mirada,
pues ya no queda nada de qué hablar,
nada...

Real life

now that the world cup is over and italy somehow made it to become world champion, we all ask ourselves what we're gonna do with our time. the world goes on and thus -amazing but true- there must be something else than soccer... there are at least some positive effects after the end of the world cup, too: reduction of beer consume, no such significant where-am-i-gonna-watch-the-game-tonight-decisions anymore, the chance to go in for sports instead of just watching it, the anticipation of 2010 and, of course, pizza for free (!!?) from our pizza supplier of trust.
i'm off to get ready for my classes...

Stuttgart ist viel schöner als Berlin, schöner als Berlin, schöner als Berlin

Germany - Portugal 3:1

Halbfinale - mit dem Herz in der Hand...

Germany - Italy 0:2

Viertelfinale - don't cry, Maradona...

Germany - Argentina 5:3 (a.p.s.)

Achtelfinale

Germany - Sweden 2:0

Here without you

my baby left two days ago and is in the usa now. when i woke up today he went to bed there. he won't come back until august. i'll miss him although i feel surprisingly good yet. i must concentrate on my exams which are coming up soon and on volleyball training and on friends and on myself.
are things easier without any 'distraction'? or harder because you don't have the balance you may need? don't know...
yesterday i went to a swimming place and after that we watched the first two eighth finals. unbelievable what was going on here in the city. everyone in black red gold these days.

Berlin, Berlin, wir fahren nach Berlin

Germany - Ecuador 3:0

Thriller

Germany - Poland 1:0

Philipp Lahm, die geile Sau

Germany - Costa Rica 4:2

Distance issues

just a quick note:
i've been home sweet home at my dad's house since yesterday and i can't wait to go back to where i live!

Summer, where are thou???

it's june and you still can't go outside without a sweater or jacket (not to mention wearing shorts or skirts). can't believe it. we've been freezing our asses off since about three weeks, and no improvement in sight. 'mein ami' is one lucky man since he's going to the always sunny part of the usa in about three weeks. for me nothing else remains than staying here and missing him...
anyway, at least i'm looking forward to the start of the soccer world cup next friday...yippie. not that germany had a chance, but...

All for free

videos

Stress?

gotta do a presentation this week for next monday and this is a bit annoying! i feel pretty much left alone with it, because my colleague (and friend) doesn't really get much done. he's rather talking about how we're gonna do everything than actually doing (writing, reading) something. therefore i'm kind of annoyed.
well...have to go now, run some errands and then watch the champion's league final...

Stadium Arcadium

bought and have been listening to the new red hot chili peppers album today. i like it! nothing totally new or innovative but a lot of really good songs, no filling material and some potential hits. rock, funk, and cool gituar parts. yeah. the second cd 'mars' is a bit weaker than the first one ('jupiter').
it's gonna be my summer album for 2006.

Pics/Part seven

Frühjahrsmüde

i'm all tired from i don't really know what. guess that's the common frühjahrsmüdigkeit. uni and everything i have to do for it is also kind of exhausting. not too much, yet...
right now, no one else is here in our apartment - i'm free to do what i want! which means, in this case, i'm able to watch tv without anybody changing channels or making comments on the program the whole time.
i should enjoy that...

Those were the times...

that's my dad's family in the 50s....

Pics/Part six

v = b

after two weeks without internet and phone in our apartment i'm now finally connected with the big wide world again... niiice...
i'm going to my classes again and i've started attending a spanish course (our teacher - gay, a bit slow and pretty sarcastic - has taught us to pronounce the 'v' always as a 'b', no matter what position it has in a word -- i'm confused). altogether it looks like a lot of work's coming up. i feel better though. unfortunatly, i'm broke (job?! hmmmm...)

...and how movies should have ended

howitshouldhaveended

Bunny movies

angryalien

Life sucks! Sometimes...

well... not much to write about... i'm probably the laziest person on earth right now. from next week on i'll have a schedule again, classes to go to - holidays over! should be a good thing...
guess i've had more bad days than good ones in the last weeks. strange how quickly my mood changes sometimes. last friday, for instance, i had dinner (thai food) and a private, sweet conversation along the way, which made me smile and feel closer to my *baby*. sounds like nothing really special, but it's always the little things i am pleased with. the next day the 'magic' was gone without a reason. didn't really feel good that day. i ended up drinking too much rum and got pretty depressed... or was it the other way around? these changes in mood happen a lot.
i need to be more positive. hope everything will get better soon... i'm always worried about something in some way. crap.

Pics/Part five

Pics/Part four

Holidays update

the realization of my plans is not going very well, i must admit. don't have a job yet and also haven't booked a flight und everything for a short trip; although i still want to go somewhere, probably spain.
at least i spent some days at home and i've been very successful with my other plan... relaxing!
it's terrible to have nothing really important to do! i like my free time a lot, but that's a little too much of it...

Pics/Part three

Pics/Part two

Pics/Part one

Stockholm

this photo was taken about 3 years ago in stockholm. of course, it was freakin' cold there in march, but our trip was really fun....

Blumäh!

How to play jazz

"one of the most important things to keep in mind while playing .... , is to play the eighth notes correctly. in the past, a bar of eighth notes was played as dotted eighth followed by sixteenth notes. it was believed that eighth notes played in this manner best exemplified the syncopated feel of jazz. however, modern conception demands that a bar of eighth notes be played as quarter notes followed by eighth notes in a triplet figure. this notation most accurately defines the proper jazz conception to employ when playing eighth note patterns.
there are three phrasing marks which are used continually in this method:
> the note is accented and held its full length
^ the note is accented and played short
- the note is given full value and attacked with a legato tongue"

What if....?

ich hab ständig angst, dass alles wirklich gute in meinem leben plötzlich vorbeigeht!
i'm always afraid that all the real good things in my life may suddenly be over!

Bild zu einem gemütlichen Abend

Dreams are ten a penny

had two nightmares last night: the first one was about one of my exams, which was in my dream a lot harder and more extensive. i didn't understand a thing and had not even one third of it done at the end of the regular time.
the second one was about my boyfriend who had another girl over when i came visit him at his place. they had something going on and ended up naked in bed while i was still around.
anyway, i woke up pretty well rested and thankful to be back in reality and that dreaming is just a little entertainment during one's sleep.

Dear diary

last night: watched a movie
today: mostly painted edges
tonight: maybe having a drink later

Keine Chance für Coriolis

gestern haben wir nach einer kurzen diskussion festgestellt, dass das wasser in der badewanne auf der nordhalbkugel der erde nicht immer nur rechtsherum, auf der südhalbkugel nur linksherum abfließt.
die corioliskraft (eine trägheitskraft), die in diesem falle auf die abflussrichtung des wassers wirken soll, ist viel zu klein und wird von anderen bewegungseinflüssen um ein vielfaches übertroffen.
bei anderen strudeln wirkt sich die corioliskraft tatsächlich aus. so zirkulieren hochdruckgebiete auf der nordhalbkugel der erde immer mit dem uhrzeigersinn, tiefdruckgebiete gegen den uhrzeigersinn. auf der südhalbkugel ist dies genau umgekehrt.
der strudel des badewassers dagegen dreht sich beim abfließen rein zufällig in eine bestimmte richtung. wolle man die trägheitskraft auch hier bemerkbar machen, so müsste man (nach berechnungen des mathematikers michael page) die badewanne um den faktor 500 vergrößern und das wasser darin einige tage ruhen lassen.

Übrigens, Urlaub in der Türkei lohnt sich!

Holidays, finally.... What to do??

plans for the next weeks:

relaxing
spending some days at home
spending some days in ...? (Paris, Barcelona, Dresden, somewhere)
finding a job
relaxing
?????

..i'm bored already

Da bin ich

Servus....